I have been feeling overwhelmed lately. My girls have gone from being kids that wanted to stay home and sew, read and make videos to kids that want to do EVERYTHING they hear about. Art classes, pottery classes, multiple choirs, basketball, co-op, etc. We would have multiple places to be every day of the week if they had their way. But I can't keep up with that. I need solid days at home to run errands, catch up with laundry, do housework and make sure they keep up with math and history and all that good stuff. But, I feel guilty saying no. What if I say no to the thing that ignites a spark in them? What if that spark is never ignited?
One of my favorite bloggers is Sarah at Clover Lane. Sarah is all about keeping things simple and organized. I have been struggling with that for years. I did well when the girls were small, but as they got older I just kept adding things until I felt like I was juggling too many balls and struggling just to keep up. Sarah was the reason that last year I made a conscious decision to simplify and stop a lot of things and pare us down to just the things we really enjoy WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY. So, when Sarah recommended this book, I ran and bought it!
Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross is possibly my favorite book on parenting. The authors remind parents that they are the architects of their children's day--that statement right there makes me breathe a little deeper; what kind of day do I want? a chaotic, rushed, harried day or a day where we can really focus on what we love to do?. The authors encourage parents to pare clothes and toys down to the necessary, less clutter equals more space to think and be -- I have been working on that since last year and still have a LONG way to go. The authors discourage battery-operated toys and encourage parents to limit screen time to force children to use their brains. The authors make an excellent point on not over-scheduling our kids, allowing them time to be bored so they can learn to entertain themselves. The authors feel that our society, with its pressures of "too much" is causing our children to be stressed and overwhelmed and unable to relax. Relaxation doesn't mean lazy, it just means giving the body and the mind rest to recover; relaxation can actually make the mind and body work better in the long term.
I have always felt that we are over-scheduling kids these days. I think kids need time to just be. They will have the rest of their lives to work every day. They need free-time to explore. Who knows what passion may be ignited in that free exploration time? Who knows what they may discover? Who knows what they will create as a result of being bored? I know many times my girls will say they are bored and then create furniture for their American Girl dolls out of shoeboxes and drinking straws or sew purses out of scraps of fabric. I think those activities are worthwhile. What if by not having time to explore a spark is not ignited? I am going to guard time at home and not feel bad. I need two solid days with no plans each week. They need that time to explore. We can find an art class once basketball is over; we can do pottery in the summer after the spring art class is over.
One of my favorite bloggers is Sarah at Clover Lane. Sarah is all about keeping things simple and organized. I have been struggling with that for years. I did well when the girls were small, but as they got older I just kept adding things until I felt like I was juggling too many balls and struggling just to keep up. Sarah was the reason that last year I made a conscious decision to simplify and stop a lot of things and pare us down to just the things we really enjoy WITHOUT FEELING GUILTY. So, when Sarah recommended this book, I ran and bought it!
Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne and Lisa M. Ross is possibly my favorite book on parenting. The authors remind parents that they are the architects of their children's day--that statement right there makes me breathe a little deeper; what kind of day do I want? a chaotic, rushed, harried day or a day where we can really focus on what we love to do?. The authors encourage parents to pare clothes and toys down to the necessary, less clutter equals more space to think and be -- I have been working on that since last year and still have a LONG way to go. The authors discourage battery-operated toys and encourage parents to limit screen time to force children to use their brains. The authors make an excellent point on not over-scheduling our kids, allowing them time to be bored so they can learn to entertain themselves. The authors feel that our society, with its pressures of "too much" is causing our children to be stressed and overwhelmed and unable to relax. Relaxation doesn't mean lazy, it just means giving the body and the mind rest to recover; relaxation can actually make the mind and body work better in the long term.
I have always felt that we are over-scheduling kids these days. I think kids need time to just be. They will have the rest of their lives to work every day. They need free-time to explore. Who knows what passion may be ignited in that free exploration time? Who knows what they may discover? Who knows what they will create as a result of being bored? I know many times my girls will say they are bored and then create furniture for their American Girl dolls out of shoeboxes and drinking straws or sew purses out of scraps of fabric. I think those activities are worthwhile. What if by not having time to explore a spark is not ignited? I am going to guard time at home and not feel bad. I need two solid days with no plans each week. They need that time to explore. We can find an art class once basketball is over; we can do pottery in the summer after the spring art class is over.
"You are a child. You deserve a childhood.
If you are not going to guard that, then I will,"
Kate Hudson in "Raising Helen"
I understand, Theresa. We have made big changes in our schedule this year. A big thing we're doing is NO spring baseball for Grant. The only thing my kids have is music and co op. Our home has been so much more relaxed, and it's allowing us time to be spent with friends (Anna is learning to quilt from a friend of mine) and time to get adequate rest and pursue fun hobbies. I went to a Classical Conversations meeting last night that further inspired me to cut more out, because as 7th grade approaches we are needed to devote six solid hours a day to academics, and that can't come if we are running everywhere.
ReplyDeleteYou are so right about over scheduling our children. This is something we have always guarded against...probably something we did right with our kids. Now, the enemies with my teenaged son are facebook, youtube and video games. Thanks for this post. I am going to look for the book you recommend and also check out the blog you mentioned.
ReplyDeleteI completely agree with giving kids enough unstructured time to get bored. And when they use the bored with me, I always offer to let them clean the bathroom if they can't find something to do. ;D Getting that book from my library.
ReplyDeleteOh Theresa!!! You are speaking my heart this morning!!!! Last semester we were very much over scheduled and way too busy for this homebody momma!! With something every single afternoon (co-op, theater, 2 choirs, church on Wednesday nights and piano) I found that not only could I not relax or ever get any housework done or find time to meal plan...but my oldest daughter began to have anxiety issues, we ate nothing but fast food, and I was in a constant state of playing catch up!!! I realized around Thanksgiving that even if other moms can taxi and shuffle the kids here, there, and yonder I JUST CAN'T!!! Its just not in my nature....and its not in my oldest daughter's nature either, as we learned!! I am off to get the book you recommended NOW!!!!! Wishing you all the blessings of SIMPLICITY this season!!!!
ReplyDeleteI've always limited my kids ouside activities and am lucky that my one extrovert who really needed more outside stuff than the rest of us was able to bike or walk to many of his activities. Right now my struggle is getting the balance right with my yougest who is involved in competitive trampoline. The pressure from the club to train more hours (and the switching of those hours) versus my desire to mzintain family time and down time is a battle. I just no they have me marked down as a "difficult", strange parent - the homeschooling doesn't help either.
ReplyDeleteAmen to that! I love Sarah at Clover Lane too.
ReplyDeleteI thoroughly enjoyed reading this post as I feel the EXACT same way. If I had my way, I'd like for our girls to have 1 physical activity (a sport or dance class) and to learn 1 musical instrument. Now I feel blessed as my kids' God-given gifts have seemed so very apparent and it has been easy for us to put them in something that they are highly interested in and good at. So right now, they are in only 1 activity each.
ReplyDeleteThe temptation is there to put them in a foreign language class, girl scouts, sports, dance, music and whatever else this new crazy society tries to sell as a "must".
Like you I have to say "no" to them and to myself and like you, I have felt guilty and thought "what if there's a spark for this or that and it never gets ignited."
Then I think of the people who were never exposed to anything in their childhood but grew up to find their passion in spite of those circumstances!
Then I resolve to just simply "love" my children. I may not be able to put them in this or that but I will ALWAYS love them.
I may refuse to put them in this thing or that, but I will always love them.
They may not understand why not sometimes but I will always, always LOVE them.
And I believe that as long as they feel and know my love...they will be set up to do all that is in their hearts to do.
Amen! Guard your time with those girls:)
ReplyDeleteWe just returned from another road trip to visit family and friends. After a few relaxed days at home, we are going back to our "regular" schedule next week.
Our out-of-home days will be Tuesday/Thursday. Period. The girls take their extracurricular classes and I'll teach at the college. The rest of the days, we'll be at home playing, crafting, baking, reading, creating... doing whatever moves us.
I think the key is simplicity and unhurried time at home! Right on, Theresa:)
Unhurried time at home is key for us to really be able to get into something and learn about it.
ReplyDeleteI wish I could narrow our activities down to just two days a week--right now we are at five. I would LOVE to have it be just two! Maybe that is something to strive for!
Sometimes I really feel like an oddball around here, most of our homeschool friends are go, go, go 7 days a week--but I can't keep up with that pace and it just doesn't work for our learning style.
Thank you so much for pointing out that some children are never exposed to things and still find their passion--I had not thought of that.
ReplyDeleteI am a much more loving mom when I am not rushing around!
Stay strong, mama! I have a hard time not worrying what other people think of me, but this is our children's only chance at a childhood, it's our job to help them get the most out of it.
ReplyDeleteWhen my girls were in kindergarten, first, second grade we did the same thing. All of their friends were in gymnastics, dance, soccer, brownies, tennis, karate, ice skating, church choir, etc. and I signed them up for all of it, too! We ate fast food, my house was a mess and I was super stressed out. When I decided to pull the plug and limit it to two activities they really loved, other moms criticized me for not adding cheerleading to our already crazy schedule and said my "problem" was that I liked to cook dinner. I HIGHLY recommend this book and the blog, Clover Lane. We are overscheduling children and it is not necessarily good for them.
ReplyDeleteI do the same thing! I tell them to make sure their drawers are all organized! they hate that!
ReplyDeleteWe had really limited computer and TV. We cancelled cable over the summer and have not missed it at all, but my girls recently discovered MineCraft and we have realized we have to limit how much they play.
ReplyDeleteWhen I told the girls we couldn't do EVERYTHING, time with friends was my big reason. If we have things to do every single day, we can never have a spontaneous playdate!
ReplyDeleteThis is great Theresa and just what I needed now. I have spent the last hour hearing Keilee tell me how much she wants to start gymnastics. And I have been freaking, feeling guilty because I don't want another place we have to be!! I love our days at home and get so stressed when we are out and about for several days in a row. Reading the comments I see so many Moms agree. I think kids need unstructured free time at home and not every minute scheduled. It is funny, you would think since we 'homeschool' they would have hours and hours to explore their own interests but even Keilee tells me she wishes there were more hours in a day. Love this!
ReplyDeleteWe don't live with much clutter and we are pretty pared down as far as 'stuff' goes. I have subscribed to that idea since the kids were very small. Less stuff means more time - time to go, go go! We are 'movers' and enjoy having full schedules that are really comfortable to us. What looks overwhelming to one family might be just right for another. My kids love to go, see, do and experience - they are just not kids who stay still well and I think it's great! Dennis and I are the same - we are involved in every organization that the kids are. Laundry, fancy meals, and clean floors often take the backseat - but it's how we have prioritized things right now. My idea of relaxing is a nice, long day trip with plenty of scenic driving :) and seems my kids fit that bill too - we are energized by it.
ReplyDeleteI don't agree that limiting screen time equates to 'using your brain' or vice versa. I think you could do as many inane activities without it. We do live in a highly digital age and my feeling is to let my kids develop their use of it to their greatest aptitude and benefit. I also LOVE that we are all so different ;) and have forums to discuss what works for us.
We've talked before, a time or two, about how I love things to be as simple as possible, too :) I hear you on all of this...I definitely get to feeling overwhelmed when I don't have enough at-home time. My girls are the same.
ReplyDeleteI have borrowed Simplicity Parenting from the library before.
I admire people who can be "go, go, go" all the time. I wish I could, but I am really more introverted and am energized by time alone at home. If having lots going on works for another family, I think that's great.
ReplyDeleteJason and I had a talk about screen time this morning. We have always limited TV, but not really the computer, although sometimes we will tell the girls to go outside if it's a beautiful day or to clean their room or something like that if we feel they are just piddling around on there. But right now, Piper is on the other computer editing a video she made and I think that is a quality activity and she can spend as much time as she wants on it. My girls tend to watch and make a lot of videos for youtube and I agree that is a good use of their time, but I do want to find balance with outside play, play with friends, etc.
Piper has been talking about gymnastics, but we really can't add anymore to the schedule right now. Plus, she did gymnastics and quit a few years ago, but she keeps saying she is "older" now. The funny thing is, when I was looking at the gymnastics studio I noticed they had a musical theater class and thought that would be great--but the classes are offered on days/times we have other things. Whew!
ReplyDeleteI think it all depends on your kids' interests and your own personality. I am an introvert, I need time at home. My girls are interested in video making and editing, reading, sewing, crafts, art...all things they can do at home which works well for us. But we try to balance it with some outside activity, too like choir and art classes.
I feel the same way! I am a homebody. I feel comfortable at home, not having to be anywhere, not having the stress of worrying about getting one place or the other. I have cut out a lot and the kids don't seem any worse for the wear. We still have our music lessons, CCD classes at church and sewing lessons for my daughter, but they are our only outside commitments as of right now, and it feels good. Like you said, it allows for spontaneous playdates or a ride to a local park or library if we do want to get out. :-)
ReplyDelete